Police arrived at the scene of a reported bank robbery at 2:07pm in Douglas County, West Virginia just outside Asheburg. They had been dispatched to the location after a whispered and hurried 911 call placed from within the bank suggesting bank robbers with medical-grade facemasks were currently holding everyone hostage.
Officer Ramsey, who was at the scene: “Yeah, we couldn’t tell who was who, ya know, we just try our best and sometimes that doesn’t completely work out. But hey, at least we got the bank robbers too!”
“It was a nightmare,” says the unfortunately injured bystander who wishes to remain anonymous, “see, my husband Tom and I were just there to cash a damn check! And now he’s dead! They required us to wear masks, I don’t understand…” At this point she was screaming and we couldn’t understand very much else through the snot bubble on her face and mouth.
Chief of Police and Mayor declined to comment though they may have been bums, can’t be sure on account of the masks.
